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“You’re a quitter” - dealing with emotions, negativity and toxicity when you leave a job.
Leaving a job can be a traumatic experience. For all the achievement and positive progress made by accepting a new job you can feel both excited and adrift at the same time: unsure of how your current work colleagues will treat you, limited by a closing relationship with your workplace, work friends, mentors and customer or client base, and truly facing an unknown future. Learning to control, or acknowledge, your emotions during your notice period especially is a challenge. But emotional reactions to leaving a role is a two way street. Watching the signs of a work relationship gone toxic is a lesson in self preservation, and although it’s hard to deal with when you know the door is closing, for your own mental health and for the working environment of the colleagues you are leaving, it’s essential to try and deal with it in the healthiest way possible.
Guilt
When it comes to finally telling trusted colleagues you’re leaving, or when you’re implored to send a round robin email to the team informing them of your departure, there is one overriding feeling that temporarily swamps all others - guilt. It’s an all consuming emotion and one of the hardest to shift.
It’s guilt born the feeling that you’re letting the team down, guilt you’re leaving them in lurch, guilt you’re “a quitter”.
Our very own CPC Henry Glickel worded it best:
“Human beings' interpersonal relationships are at the core of their existence.
This jolting realization of quitting will be followed by a sense of guilt. Oh, my God, you tell yourself. I’ve been cheating on my present employer. Having an affair is one thing — but divorce? I never knew it would come to this! And if the fear of guilt and reprisal don’t give you enough to worry about, consider the buyer’s remorse you’ll probably feel. What if I made a mistake? You ask yourself. I’m gonna ruin my life!!
Don’t Let the Demons Get You Down.
Relax. Everyone who changes jobs is plagued by these demons, to a greater or lesser degree. It’s only natural.
But rather than dwell on the past, imagine for a moment that you’re in your new job.
Isn’t this great? Think of all the changes you’re making, and how your new life is a huge improvement compared to what you had before.
Think of the new people you’re meeting, the new skills you’re acquiring, and the new opportunities you have to advance your career. Now, are you going to let your fears unravel everything you’ve accomplished in the way of self evaluation, planning, resume writing, interviewing, and putting a deal together? No way. You’re not the type of person who’s going to allow cold feet to put the chill on changing jobs.
You’re a person of action, and you seize the moment. You know that those who back away from golden opportunities may never get another chance”.
How to deal with the emotions of your colleagues and boss
Most empathic, normal, well meaning work colleagues and seniors will be simultaneously upset but proud you’ve found a new job. In fact, many will want you to work directly on hiring a replacement or promoting internally.
Your working DNA will be a benchmark for them to meet, and you’ll (hopefully) give it your all in your final few weeks to build continuity into succession planning.
There is only one golden rule for professionals who witness, or are victim to, a rising tide of toxic, alienating behaviour once your notice has been handed it - disengage.
That’s not to say don’t do your job. But you have every right to exit a company with dignity, and if that is not being met, you have no obligation to accept it. Every employee, regardless of status, deserves a dignified working environment, and you are still an employee, subject to the same rights and expectations every other employee is.
References:
https://work.chron.com/emotional-effects-transitioning-out-job-11251.html
https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbeshumanresourcescouncil/2019/12/26/13-effective-tactics-for-dealing-with-a-toxic-boss/?sh=d7abb2f6d011